The days are short and cold where I am. The long night make it seem a natural time for introspection. It is a time for me to really investigate the emotions and thoughts that cause me distress.
I do not mean agonizing and beating myself up. I mean, wondering why I let these issues bother me and what beliefs they trigger in me. Also, why these beliefs may have arisen in my past.
I try to look at my own issues with compassion as I would for a client sitting in my counseling office. None of us is perfect and many of us have good reasons to be messed up. This is not a time for judgment but it is a time for putting these issues to the test. Do they hold up under scrutiny?
Use this meditation to uncover some issues you may not know are plaguing you. Sometimes the true issue is hidden and we only see and address the symptoms.
Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. Find yourself standing in front of a table and comfy chair. Walk closer to the table and you see a book. Take the book off of the table.
Sit down on the nearby chair. Look at the cover of the book. Is there a symbol on the cover? Does it look familiar or have any meaning for you? Flip to the back of the book and you see on the back cover a picture of the author. This person looks very much like you but with some slight differences. Their hair is different, they may have glasses or facial hair where you don’t. They may even be another gender. The resemblance is striking though.
Now flip to the inside cover. The Title page says “A Memoir.” Flip through the book. You may read the words or you may receive thoughts or pictures of the story it contains. You may have strong emotions come up while flipping through the book as if you are experiencing the story.
When you are done I want you to flip to the back of the book again. Look at the picture and think about what you know about the author from flipping through the book. What kind of person are they? What are their skills and talents? Where do they struggle? How are they different than you?
Think about the ways you are the same as the author. Is this something you are proud of or something you would like to change or have changed? What benefit does this aspect give you? In what ways does it hinder you? Investigate this aspect of yourself and where it may have come from or been reinforced.
Look at the picture on the back of the book again. Try to send compassion to the author. Having read their story, can you understand why they may have may some of their decisions, even if you would not have done the same? Now can you turn that compassion onto yourself? Recognize that you will also make decisions based on the circumstances of the moment that you may regret. Give yourself the same compassion that you would another fallible human.
Let yourself bask in that compassion for a few moments. When you are ready, take a final look at the author. Send a feeling of gratitude to them. Get up and place the book back on the table.
Begin to hear the sounds around your physical body. Wiggle your fingers and toes, and when you feel ready, open your eyes.
Take some time to write down notes, journal or pull tarot/oracle cards about the following questions.
What do you expect from yourself that you do not expect from others?
What do you expect from others that you don’t usually receive?
What is one change you would make in your life right now?
Get the Shadow Work Meditation book on Amazon.
Take Care,
Jessica Cross
Free meditation recordings on Spotify: CLICK HERE
Journals on Amazon: Click Here
Jessica Cross 
Around 20 years ago, I was working as a quality assurance engineer in a nearby factory. Some other people in the department asked me if I was moonlighting. They showed me an ad in a quality business magazine of a man promoting his consulting business. I had to admit he looked a lot like me. He had the same eyes, the same general shape of the skull, and wore a very slight smile, as if he was doubtful that he was really doing the right thing by becoming a consultant. I know that I would have very strong doubts if I was ever to set myself up as a consultant.
For memoirs, I recently finished Vera Brittain’s “Testament of Youth”, in which she related how her fiance, brother, and two mutual friends of her were all killed in World War I. She then struggled to establish herself as a writer and a principal leader of the pacifist movement in Britain. Near the end of the book, another man asked her to marry him, and she had to consider it for a long time. She wrote for several pages all the different things she was thinking, and how she eventually had to let go of the people who had gone to take up something potentially wonderful that was being given to her. I can’t seem to manage the same thing – I can’t let go. Nothing else is being offered to me, no one is presenting me with a different future. If I want one, it’s something I’ll have to come up with myself.
From myself, I expect a complete avoidance of errors, something I usually don’t expect from other people, unless they are older and should know better by now how to do certain things.
From the rest of the world, it seems that I never quite get the unconditional acceptance of the person that I am, at least from those that have been closest to me. It seems that they always wanted something a little more from me, some skill that I didn’t have and never would have. I never seemed quite right to them.
At this point in the winter, it’s hard to think of making major changes. I have been looking at properties in Canada, considering emigrating if conditions become too unbearable here, but I am not nearly ready for such a move. I believe that the best thing I can do right now is to try to make my house cleaner.
LikeLike